The beautifully enlightened photo above is of "Yoga with Adriene" I was led to on Youtube. I find myself very drawn to her personality, her kindness and relatability, her quirkiness, and her genuine heart. For following her lead in Yoga, she is very personable and doesn't hide who she truly is. For Day 1 of a 30 day Yoga practice (among many other types of Yoga she posts-I really adore that she has video's for some specifics you might be seeking out such as "Yoga for Bedtime," "Yoga for complete beginners," "Yoga for flexibility," "Yoga for anxiety," and many other specific topics or goals in mind), she brought along her sweet dog Benji, and felt so genuinely caring and sweet.
I am profoundly proud of myself for fully completing Day 1 of her 30 day Yoga, as it had me reflecting on my past, and allowing me to see my growth. In the past, I've had many experiences where I was either working out at the gym, or doing yoga, and when a movement, motion, or specific action would feel difficult for me, I would quickly jump to frustration,anger, and quitting my attempts all together. So many thoughts and emotions would flood through me at such a rapid rate of deep disappointment for allowing myself to get to the point I have physically (although it genuinely felt one day just after age 22 I must have left my consciousness all together and didn't realize my increase of food and decrease of physical activity and exercise, and then I woke up one day and looked in the mirror feeling "Oh My Goddess! What Happened!? What Have I Done!?," disgusted at how I must look on the outside, feelings of "this shouldn't be difficult for me, I was so fit!," and "this is so embarrassing, and this feels so difficult, I won't get anywhere." I would go through this entire break down of myself, throwing negative words and feelings at myself, full of hatred toward myself. I jumped to that so quickly instead of showing myself love, and coming from a place of honesty of where my body was currently at, and instead of filling myself with disappointment, turning that around into "it's okay. We are here now, and what can we do in maybe a little bit of a different maneuver to not hurt ourselves until we become stronger, but still make it through this exercise." I needed to show myself compassion and support, not hatred and allowing deep sadness to consume me.
Today, I did feel some things that were uncomfortable and difficult. Today, I felt the physical places on my body that need improving and strengthening. Today, I chose to give myself Grace and Love. Today, I accepted those moments I had through the Day 1 Yoga movements, and I compromised in positioning or timing as my body needed, free of guilt, anger, frustration, sadness, and giving up. I chose to keep with each pose as I could with Adriene (who, once again, was so sweet and understanding, and truly expressed that through her supporting words that everyone will be at a different place and that IT WAS OKAY to be at whatever starting point each person is at), at my own pace, with love and compassion; and by making it to the very end of the lovely 43 minute long video (here upon realizing I had made it to the end, visually and emotionally dropping into my past habits of quitting when something got a tiny bit too difficult), I lay in the sunshine nearly in tears of my accomplishment. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt so proud of myself. I felt rejoice in my efforts, and the complete lack of self sabotage through this healing, trying process.
YOU MUST BE POLITE WITH YOURSELF WHEN LEARNING
SOMETHING NEW
-insight from the movie "Eat Pray Love"
So however you find your kindness to yourself, please find it. Please show yourself compassion, and love where it is needed.
A few years ago, a wise person once caught me in the middle of ranting on and on about what I used to tell myself in difficult moments. A bit shocked at realizing the things I would tell myself, she asked me in kindness and love, "Is that what you would tell someone you are helping coach in the gym who is struggling, or overweight? Are those the words, and is that the type of energy you would direct at someone who is vulnerable and asking for your help or guidance?"
In this question, when genuinely considering my honest opinion and answer, I responded with "OH MY GODDESS NO! That is so evil, and hurtful, and very unhelpful." And it was in this moment, that the reflection of what this wise person would say to me next hit me like a sight I had never seen before. This wise person said to me "then why on earth would you ever say those things to yourself?"
Sometimes in treating ourselves the way we would treat another being, helps us back away from the "being harder on yourself" that can be so toxic. Now this is not to say that there are not moments that we can or should help hold ourselves to higher standards, to reach the stars that we want to reach, but in the toxic ways I was being so brutal and awful to myself, did not help me. All those times did was help break me down even harder, shove me into depression, and disappointment, and even more anger towards myself.
So in conclusion, please show yourself compassion, and reach out to a friend or someone or something you are drawn to if you find yourself needing a different perspective or reflection on the matter at hand.
You are loved, and if only you saw yourself through someone else's eyes, or treated yourself as you would treat someone you love, WE MAY BRING OURSELVES TO OUR HIGHEST CONSCIOUSNESS AND FREQUENCY AND HELP THOSE AROUND US WITH STRUGGLES WE'VE FACED.
I will leave you with the following insight spoken from Nahko Bear (from the band Nahko and Medicine for the People):
Namaste! And Once Again, Thank You So Much For Your Time and Heartspace in Hearing Me
~ Together, We Reveal and Heal ~
Comments