Yesterday was the first day I've had since leaving where my energy and attitude felt completely blown. I woke up a bit later than usual, and it felt like my explosion of instant frustration and deep sadness and tears came out of somewhere (a while ago, in my spiritual deepening, I began to say "that came out of somewhere" rather than "out of nowhere," as I feel things always do come from somewhere and always at the right moment its supposed to for you hehe). I haven't been having my daily habits that are so very important, including meditation being such a powerful practice in itself! I have discovered about myself I certainly am a routine type person, and without that routine I can tend to crumble easily at times. Unfortunately with the world feeling like it's speeding up so much and everyone always feeling like they "don't have the time" for acts of loving themselves (which can be anything from spending time with friends, alone time away from everyone but your journal, book or cup of tea, meditation, working out, cuddling with the dog, whatever it is for each and every person), but its so important to remember that without keeping your bottom lines of giving yourself the acts of love for yourself BEFORE you crash makes all the difference in your decreased stress levels, joy, and overall physical health. Saying this reminds me of a story I remember, where chaos is happening on the streets below Buddha's bedroom, a man comes in frantic, saying to Buddha "there's chaos in the streets! People are angry, and scared, and experiencing so many every day stressful problems! How could you possibly be laying down and taking a nap at such a crazy moment instead of being down on the streets helping people?." In this instance, Buddha's act of taking his nap to revitalize his energy is indeed a selfless act, because without his rest to recover from all and any energies he's depleted, he himself cannot help anyone in that state. So in this instance, it is a selfless act to renew his energy to be able to go out and help again.
I personally do believe all feelings and mood shifts happen for a reason, I do my best to sit with the emotions I have, and sit quietly and look deeply within to find out the reason I have these feelings and what messages they have for me. I have learned that having true meditation (I refer to this as absolutely no feelings, you simply are. When I feel it, I am not happy, nor am I sad. I am not angry, frustrated, extremely joyful, I simply am.), can be such a gift; especially if you have thoughts or situations in your life that need serious tending to, but may have been finding it difficult to come to your conclusion due to different emotions pulling you one way then the other. This space and time allows you to step outside of yourself a little, and take a look at the decision from a third party perspective, without attaching "good or bad" judgments on it.
So after allowing myself to take the time and space I needed to rest from the day to day things that must have been unknowingly stressing me below the surface (mostly lately I've been needing to part with and organize belongings I have around my love's and my home/trailer so that we have the space we need and want, and it's a little more of a process for me it turns out than others), I woke up today ready to leave yesterday's resting behind me, get my body much needed moving, and get my mental and spiritual focus back on track for myself. I dug through all of my herb jars that I have labeled with the name of the herb inside, along with all the energies each herb is good for, a black candle (because when I laid each color candle out with their different meanings, I closed my eyes and slowly hovered my hand over each one, and allowed my energy to pick out which one would be best for my intentions by picking the one that made my hand feel warm over it, that's one of my signs personally for choosing), my sacred single eagle feather, my sage brush stick, and my pestle and mortar, and my cell phone and headphones. My heart called out to find a shamanic drumming music that I listened to with my headphones, and created a sacred space for myself that I was very blessed to have. My love is always so loving, supportive, and understanding of when I need alone time just to have the time, or for spiritual work, as I support his as well whenever needed. As I poured each herb into my hands one at a time, I held the herb in my closed hand close to my heart chakra, closed my eyes, and laced my visual intentions into the herb before dropping it into my mortar bowl to be grinded together and then lit with fire, being released into the universe to become reality. I also used my prayer beads I made myself to begin my 40 day long practice to bring to fruition; as I touch each bead and move it to the other side, I chanted in my mind "Rebirth," as I will for the next 40 days to complete my "Rebirth" coming into reality, of course with prayer beads, also known as the rosary beads, you can attach any intention you wish. I personally like to gift myself the time of one candle burning to completion, which is typically about 1 hour 15 minutes. I felt extremely fulfilled, empowered, strong, courageous, and in my power of bright white light! I decided to pull a card from my animal totem deck, and one from my postcards from our guardian angels, which both had very accurate and soulful messages for me I felt very blessed to receive.
Anyhoo, I feel very great having such a moving, important ritual to begin my rebirthing from all old habits that no longer serve me, and all energies that come with that. I find myself being more and more drawn to native american spiritual practices, and I feel I am on the rise for my medicine cards, the animal totem cards, to finally resonate with me since first purchasing them a few years back. On December 11, there is a shamanic drumming circle I absolutely cannot wait to attend and see what happens for me! I'll be back to tell you all about it.
Until next time family, thanx so much for spending some time out of your day to read about my day's journey, and remember to love yourself. Give yourself the much needed time for whatever activity that revitalizes your soul, and absorb all the love and light I send to you! Merry Meet Again soon soul family! xoxoxoxo ~~KEEP ON GROWING HOWEVER YOU GROW!~~
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