Merry Meet Loves! So grateful for you staying tuned into my life and journey. I am aware there are a lot of times I tend to let my heart flood a bit through my mouth as well as my words on paper; sometimes resulting in being capable of writing out a little bit of a trilogy in one blog lol. I hope you are able to find some resonance inside of the rawness I allow to pour out. Although sometimes I may second guess the way I look in a photograph, or how long I've spoke on, I help love myself in the acceptance of what does pour out of me, comes out for a reason. And I have discovered it's important for me to be raw and me, so thank you so so much! 🤗🥰
I hold much gratitude in my heart for having so many great, bright, truly euphoric moments, but this does not mean I don't also have what I like to call my "shadow moments/shadow times." This can also be calling depression, sadness, being uncomfortable, anxiety, "low vibrational," melancholy, and I'm sure many other names. In the past, I have been that person to have the most wonderful, fully loaded tool belt of resources, practices, and much more to extend it's loving hand to help pull me from where I find myself, yet I had chosen not to use them. I'm sure we've all been there. For the past few days I had found myself in a place I had not been inside of in quite a while. A place where sleeping, despite the good amount of physical pain my body vividly felt due to this sedentary place, was the best place that called out to me, and soothed me the most. I was found myself deeply submerged in the void where all that called to me was laying down, deep rest, and isolation. These times I feel to be as necessary as a good night's rest in order to have a wonderful, energy charged momentum for the following day, however I do try to keep myself in a reasonable understanding of "don't live there for too long." In this way I feel I am giving myself whatever time and space is needed as it arises, yet indulge just long enough to rest, sit with my reasons for this profound "true meditational" state of mind, understand what messages are attempting to reach me through this, and be able to move forward happily being myself. It's most difficult for me when the loved ones around me whom care so deeply for me, only wish of me to open up, speak my feelings and emotions out about what I am going through so that they may hold space, absorb, and perhaps even try to help or just understand where I am at; but in a lot of these times, I am unable to give any kind of a clear or even a tiny bit of an answer at all, as my mind is genuinely blank. A black void holding no words, no images, a real nothingness in my mind, and only heavy feelings that weigh in my energy and body. In my experience these times can put your loved ones in a place of "I can feel your heaviness, would greatly love to understand or help you lift that from you, but I cannot help what you do not speak of to me." It is moments like these that may become difficult to stay away from the feelings of being down even lower by not being able to provide an answer so that whatever I may be going through does not also weigh down those close to me.
Now this is where I make the choice to acknowledge and accept who I am, and that it's okay to be me, and not an interpretation of who I am perceived to be or "supposed to be" by others. This is where I allow myself the time I need in whatever way I need, without beating myself up for doing just that; going through my own process. When I have managed to riddle out my state of being, I then have the opportunity to speak openly and honestly about my processes, and a little depth into maybe how and why it works for me, so that it may be understood, or at least heard out openly from the depths of my truth. I have come to a place of knowing that another person's reaction or judgement to my processes is "none of my business" if you will. This is not to say I would talk at someone in any attitude with disregard to their feelings or opinion, it simply expresses that I can only control my reaction, as they can only control theirs. It should be neither of our burden's to carry for one another. This is similar to one of those moments where you "forgive someone else who has wronged you for yourself, not for them," if that makes sense. This process brings you peace of mind instead of obsessing on the "what if's, shoulda, coulda, woulda" of past situations; it is healing for you to truly move on instead of suppressing those thoughts.
This is where I have chosen to make different choices now than I have in the past. This is where in my depths, I have reached out in my own ways to help myself, love myself, and take honest steps towards understanding myself instead of allowing the negative, false voices I can hear in my head talking in circles to push me down farther, attempting to convince me I am not worth healing, and I am burdensome. Here's what helped deeply move me:
* I reached out to conversations shared through many spiritual soul sistars I've met along my way, from the Goddess Temple of Beautiful Ashlandia Oregon, who have inspiringly placed themselves on their own healing journeys through podcasts. I listened whole heartedly to a beautiful sistar that goes by the name of @lifebythemoonyoga on instagram. For me personally, it proved to be a perfect fit for my current headspace. As I listened to her, about 8 or so minutes in I was completely inspired to get up out of bed (as just minutes before I had no desire to get out of bed, and to only sink into it more), create a sacred space around me with my candle lit, sage burning, and my book of shadows by my side to take notes on all the helpful information this sistar was providing; and there I was, allowing the uplifting to come through! I have found that there are many more avenues that I can even count that help take us from where we currently are to where we want/need to be. And this is beautifully different for everyone; for some it's driving, working out, making love to someone or with yourself, reading, meditating, tuning into podcasts, contacting a good friend and asking them to hold space for you, and so so so much more.
I've had many, many moments in my life where in these head spaces, I had chosen to believe that I had no choice at all over what I was going through or how long I would be there. I have come to learn how false this is. It's quite amazing how our psyche can help convince us that there is no choice for us, but these are the moments we must remind ourselves that it absolutely is our choice, we can take our power back/into our own hands! We can choose to sit with these feelings as they arise, and learn all aspects of what messages are attempting to come through to us. We do not have to run, to cover up those feelings with substances that merely feel like they take us far from those feelings when in reality we are not move away from them, and only helping to harm ourselves more in those decisions. I really loved the advice and resonance I experienced with sistar @lifebythemoonyoga, and help this is helpful for you as well :)
Merry Part until next time loves,
Stay Strong
Move Within Your Light
Stay Tuned With Your Darkness Just As Well
Love Yourself
~SO MOTE IT BE~
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